


The Silent Song of Purpose

by Ser_Quicksand



Category: Jormungand (Manga)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-10-01 07:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10183709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ser_Quicksand/pseuds/Ser_Quicksand
Summary: An Orchestra without a Maestro is just noise with no direction, she thinks. Chinatsu wonders about the point of it all, and the purpose she wishes she had. And most importantly, she hopes to find the answer to her question: "When revenge is all you have, where do you go from there?"





	1. Of Vengeance and Dissonance

 

 

Chinatsu had never questioned her purpose in life.

It wasn't that she thought such things were a waste, she simply never took the time to. When she was younger, her parents had given her the comfort she'd enjoyed in order enjoy her innocent life. Why, it was because of them that Chinatsu had come to find her appreciation of not just opera, but of music itself. And it was through that same love of those wonderful sounds that she came to meet the man that would change her life forever.

As the bullets that flew through the air had become more of a hail of death, and she'd curled up in fear under the shield her now dying parents had made for her with their bodies, Chinatsu had known nothing would ever be the same again. When her shaking hands picked up the gun he dropped, she'd thought only of avenging her parents, and screw whatever would come next. The realization that her shot grazed only his shoulder had told the young girl that this short life she enjoyed was over.

Only, it was just the beginning.

Shisho, her master, her Maestro, had spared her. He brought her under his wing and into his Orchestra, and trained her in the glorious sounds of death. Together their missions and creations had left trails in the wake of their artwork as a chorus of gunfire and screams looked only to mark the way. Eliminating target after target, time after time just made her feel more alive than ever.

There was a certain sense of irony that someone who had caused her such pain and death could make her enjoy life so much, Chinatsu had always known this. Once the band tuned up, there was nothing but determination in her mind, and the pride she'd felt in earning his praise after outperforming him had filled her heart to its very core.

But then it was over.

Now, just a couple short years later on this warm Dubai night, as she found herself climbing ever so slowly up the side of the arms dealer's hotel, Chinatsu climbed one step at a time with but a single purpose in mind. Revenge was the only thing that she desired, the one thing she had to live for. What came after that? She didn't know, and maybe she just flat out didn't give a shit. That didn't matter, as long as she got vengeance on Koko Hekmatyar, the woman responsible for Shisho's death, then nothing else was important. Numerous times, she'd wondered if how she felt about working with Maestro was just some twisted manifestation of Stockholm Syndrome. And almost as many times, she'd settled on deciding that she didn't care. He had given her meaning in life, and without him, revenge was the only thing left for her.

Yet, slowly and steadily she reached the top, almost as if the climax was just ahead of her. She thought about the cross she now kept as a memento of her master, about the hat he'd given her that she had decided to keep tied under the back of her shirt for good luck, and about how just 3 days earlier, her master had been shot dead like a common thug. As she hoisted herself up the side and over the rooftop's railing, her words from that day echoed in her mind.

_I'll never forgive you. Hear me? I'll kill you all!_

_I'll hunt you down...and rip you apart, piece by piece!_

Chinatsu took off the safety and loaded up her Baretta before looking around slowly. This was it. This was what she'd waited 3 days for. Now all she had to do was slip into Hekmatyar's room and end her. That was all. Her plan for escaping the bodyguards? She didn't have one. For all the young woman could tell, that was secondary at best.

“Stop there! The second you aim that gun at me...you're dead.”

_'Shit,'_ she thought to herself as she realized Koko had been waiting on her. Of course the arms dealer would have had all angles covered. The worst part though, was that even though she sensed a sniper nearby, she had no idea where he was. And she wasn't sure she could, even if her senses weren't being clouded. Still, she had to compliment Koko on him being even better than the one that killed Maestro.

“ **Fine. I yield.”**

Grudgingly, she laid down her gun as the white haired lady above her jumped down from her perch before landing next to the younger woman. Chinatsu could feel her rage building up, and she hated how powerless she felt being at the mercy of the very woman who left her life aimless and in shambles.

“We've been waiting for you,” the arms dealer began. “I guessed you'd wait 3 days and then try the roof. And now here we are. My bet paid off, a day later and we might've left, leaving you free to hunt me down. So thank you...because I wanted to chat.”

The confused Orchestra member couldn't help but look over, wondering what the hell she could possibly want now.

“Chinatsu, what is UP with the no panties thing?”

“ **You bitch! You're just screwing with me!”**

Only strangely enough, she wasn't. In fact, Koko was so serious that she promised to explain why she remained in the arms trade in exchange. So Chinatsu told her. About the first job she had with Maestro, about the river they crossed that led to her disgust at how wet underwear felt and her removal of them. She even explained how her accuracy was so high she took out more threats than Maestro himself, and how proud of her he was.

“Not wearing panties increases your accuracy?” Hekmatyar laughed in a mixture of both surprise and entertained amusement.

“ **Yeah, pretty much.”**

“And now?”

“ **Yes, I'm fucking wearing some now!”** Chinatsu snapped back in annoyed disbelief as a tiny part of her wondered what the sniper must be thinking of all of this.

Kicking Chinatsu's gun away, Koko covered the mouthpiece on her headset as the wind blew ever so gently. She was sure the arms dealer was just going to laugh in her face more, or tell her she was foolish and crazy. Truthfully, Chinatsu never expected Koko to even consider letting her know why she was in the business of dealing weapons. But that was when the slightly older woman did something that she never expected.

She told her.

Taking a few moments to comprehend what she'd just heard, the light brown haired girl was almost at a loss for words.

“ **You're one frightening woman.”**

“Yeah...” Koko started, with a hint of a smile on her face. “But I admit, I do find you interesting. You could join my crew. You want to?”

_'What?'_ Tightly shutting her eyes, Chinatsu tried to shut out all of it, tried to make sense of everything. Tried to find what she wanted. She couldn't help but wonder what kind of sick joke this must be, for someone she'd tried to kill, someone who was her opponent, the very target of her revenge...to be offering that with any sort of seriousness.

“ **I couldn't even wait three whole days** **…** **I know I'll never forgive you.”** She spoke softly with Maestro's cross clutched in her hand, before tossing it down to the side in response. **“I am Orchestra! I am an artist. When I play, it's a symphony of death! Don't underestimate me, arms dealer!”**.

_'Do it!'_ she could hear herself scream internally. All she had to do was grab the second pistol she'd hidden on her lower back and take the bitch out. That was it, just one fluid motion, one quick shot, and she'd have her revenge. No games, no complex plans, the only thing Chinatsu needed was to reach back and end it all.

But she hesitated.

It was only for a moment, but in that brief moment, time stood still. Why did she hesitate? That wave of confusion consumed her, and almost threatened to swallow her whole as she struggled to make sense of it. Was she afraid of dying? The thought was ridiculous. After everything she'd gone through, everything she'd done, death would be the last thing she'd even consider fearing. With no understanding of her feelings that seemed to be only complete nonsense, Chinatsu did the only thing she could think of doing: She screamed out towards the woman in front of her with all the anger and anguish that had wormed its way through her body, as the words left her like venom soaked daggers.

“ **I'm not just some weak little girl you can mock! I'm not stupid! You ruined my life! Because of you, my master is dead! An Orchestra without a Maestro doesn't even have a purpose** **…** **Revenge is the ONLY thing I have left! And you think that you can just** _**FIX IT ALL** _ **if I join you?!”**

“Yes.”

The sheer bluntness of the answer came as such a surprise to her, that all the rage she vented out got stopped in its tracks. In a way, it was how blunt and straightforward the response was that made it equal parts shocking and terrifying. As a slight breeze blew over the hotel rooftop, Chinatsu found herself speechless so much so that the **“Huh?”** that escaped her lips registered barely above a quiet whisper.

“Chinatsu...” Despite the sheer amount of anger that the younger girl had directed towards her, and that its volume was loud enough for the nearby sniper to probably hear without a headset, there was no malice in Koko's voice. “I can show you a life that is so much more than revenge. If you accept my offer, not only will we make the most beautiful music together, but I promise your life will open up in ways you have never imagined. Think about it, if you come with me, there's as many possibilities as there are stars in the sky.”

“ **The...sky?”**

Instinctively, she found her gaze wandering upwards to the night's sky above. As the moon shone through the clouds that slowly floated by, Chinatsu found herself taken back by its brilliance. She'd never known how free and promising it seemed. How could she though? Time after time, her focus had been just on the enemies in front of her, of the downed bodies of her foes littered over the ground. Still, as the gloved fist she'd balled up opened up and dropped to her side, there was skepticism and uncertainty to say the least. Hekmatyar's men and Chinatsu hadn't exactly been on the best of terms since their first encounter.

“ **Your men though...that woman...we tried to kill each other! I tried to kill you! Even if I heard you out and gave it a thought, how would they be okay with it and just accept me like nothing happened?”**

Seemingly expecting this, the arms dealer just smirked in response and crossed her arms.

“My crew are professionals. They follow my gut and my judgement, because my instincts always wind up being right. I never said it'd be instant, but if I tell them to trust me on something, they will. However...it might be easier for them to trust you if you'd hand over that gun you've got tucked behind you there as a gesture of goodwill.”

_'Damn it,'_ Chinatsu could only think as she realized that her reaction had just given away any doubt Koko might have had.

“ **How did you...?”**

Koko pointed to where she'd been sitting when Chinatsu first climbed up.

“I saw the bulge on your back when you hopped the rail. Figured you brought a backup just in case you got disarmed.”

With a sigh of defeat, Chinatsu threw her hands up in surrender and slowly dropped down to her knees.

“ **Just make sure HE knows what I'm doing.”** she asked carefully, slightly jerking her head and eyes to the side so Koko knew what she meant.

As the woman before her nodded in acknowledgement, she slowly moved her right hand back to grab the pistol she'd hidden away, before sliding it towards her. Taking a moment to briefly contemplate the situation, she brought her hand back again before undoing the hat she'd tucked under the back of her shirt, and placing that in front of her as the moonlight seemed to shine on the bullet hole in the middle of it.

“So...” started Koko as Chinatsu got back up to her feet “I don't think it's such a bad deal for you to be somewhere your talents get appreciated, do you?”.

Looking down at her late master's discarded cross from earlier, Chinatsu found her hands closed into loose fists as she let out a frustrated sigh of confliction.

“ **I...I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right choice is. I haven't had to decide stuff like this on my own before, okay?!”**

For some reason, the arms dealer smiled ever so slightly at the situation in a way that seemed somewhat comforting to the younger woman in front of her.

“Chinatsu, you're a smart girl. When you started planning your revenge on me, you knew you probably weren't going to make it out alive, didn't you? You knew it was going to be a suicide mission, and you were determined to carry it out anyway, but you didn't try to shoot me. You didn't try to do it when I caught you sneaking over the railing, you didn't after I told you my secret and asked you to join, and you didn't pull your backup gun on me when I asked you to hand it over. Some part of you didn't think revenge was worth dying over. I think part of you knew that you could be so much more than what everybody who would underestimate you thinks.”

Lifting her head so that her eyes met Hekmatyar's shining blue eyes, Chinatsu knew that she couldn't exactly disagree with what she'd said. It was frustrating to hear, especially coming from the very person she'd come to this rooftop to kill, but it wasn't entirely wrong. Still, this whole thing just left her feeling almost overwhelmed. Everything just seemed to come entirely out of left field, and that wasn't at all something she'd prepared for. She'd felt shocked and almost helpless before, but that was under the threat of almost certain death, not under the offer of life. That was something she had no idea what to do with.

“ **This is all just too much though. All of it's just happening so fast! You...you make me this offer out of nowhere after everything I've done, with a sniper watching us, and I'm supposed to choose an answer right away? I can't do that! I need time to think it over! I need time to sort out all these damn emotions that are scaring the shit ou** **t** **of me right now!”**

She felt something get slowly pressed into her hands. It was a phone.

“There's a number in the contact list that you can reach me at when you're ready. It's marked, so you'll know it when you see it. I know it can be hard when you suddenly have to decide everything on your own.”

Chinatsu couldn't help but smirk at little at the explanation. **“You really are a crazy bitch, you know.”**

Chuckling to herself, Koko patted the younger woman on the shoulder before gathering both of the handguns Chinatsu brought, placing them inside her hat, and picking them up as she brought them close to her.

“I'm just going to be holding onto these for safe keeping” she said, as she started to walk away from the brown haired girl beside her. “You understand”.

“ **Arms dealer...”**

“It's Koko.”

“ **Koko...someday, I'm going to want my hat back.”**

“Well then, I'll look forward to that day.” Hekmatyar responded with a small smile, before adjusting the mic on her headset as she walked towards the stairwell. “Lehm? We're done here..for now”.

Slowly lowering her head again, Chinatsu found her gaze had shifted to the phone she now held in her hands. It was almost funny to her, how something so small could promise something so big. And yet, here she was, still alive when even she knew that almost shouldn't be the case.

Her look went to the door leading down from the now empty rooftop.

It was then that the tiniest hint of a breeze blew ever so softly over the hotel, and that was what made the truth hit her like a shot to the chest. This was her decision, and only hers. Where she went from here? That was up to her. And with the vengeful rage she'd had earlier all but gone, Chinatsu realized that for the first time in her life...she was alone.

 

 

(Author's Note: Just a short mention that the speech and dialogue prior to Chinatsu hesitating when confronting Koko is taken from the Funimation dub of the anime in order to keep scenes more accurate and true to the characters behaviours.)

 


	2. The Stars In the Sky

Chinatsu looked at the phone.

It'd been 2 weeks since her encounter with Koko Hekmatyar on the roof of her Dubai hotel. She'd spent 3 days prior planning out the finer details and plotting out how she'd get her revenge for the death of her master without caring for what came after. Yet, here she was, walking down a semi-busy street as the mid-day sun shone down on the Dubai shops around her. Koko and her crew had moved on just a couple of days afterwards, she'd heard. Chinatsu had no idea where they went, if they would ever be back, or what they were up to, but maybe that was for the best.

To say the girl's mind had been scattered and filled with more questions than she thought she could ever hope to find seemed almost like a huge understatement. Chinatu had been trying to keep herself busy in the days following the event though. After she collected herself mentally, she'd taken the rooftop stairs down to the top floor and grabbed a ride down to the lobby on the first elevator she could find. The entire trip back to her hotel and up to her room was a complete and utter blur, not unlike the features and faces of those she passed on the sidewalk. Her mind had been at a complete loss the next day too, but after that, she'd gone about looking for jobs. Maestro had shared some contacts with her when the two of them first set out for Dubai, and she figured it'd be pretty easy to hit some of them up and get a couple of low key assignments to let her keep paying things off while she sorted out what to do next.

Of course, that didn't exactly pan out.

More often than not, her attempts just lead to the would be employers laughing at her, like it was some sort of sick joke. Chinatsu would point out that she was from Orchestra, and if there was a job to be done, she had the skills to do it. They didn't care though. To them, she was just a kid, just a little girl on her own with no idea about how things worked. Most knew about Orchestra, about her master. Some had even hired them both in the past, recognizing their skills as a unit. _“The Maestro's dead. Orchestra's gone, kid.”_ they'd tell her dismissively, and walk away, ignoring her screams that she could be just as good as he was.

The jobs she did get weren't all that much better or more successful though. Usually, they were ones that nobody wanted, or ones that they thought were so easy nobody could fail them. She couldn't stand how utterly useless it made her feel, and it ate her up inside. All they had to do was just give her the chance and she'd show them all how wrong they were. Chinatsu knew this, but it drove her insane at how completely dismissive everybody was being.

Take out some thief that stole mere pocket change one day, bring back somebody snitching on their operations the other. She'd even had to stoop so low as to take a job with some drug ring just to take out one of their competitors. It was such a complete waste of her abilities that it made her sick. Despite all her effort, nobody knew what she was capable of. Except for Koko.

Chinatsu looked at the phone.

“ _You're alone because of her”_ the voice in her head reminded her. She could hear her teeth begin to grind together like some sort of animal as the memories flooded back again. Memories of Hekmatyar's sniper gunning down Maestro like he was nothing but a common thug. First came the shot straight through his heart, dropping him to his knees as he lost his grip on his weapon. Then came the second one. It hit him right between his eyes, dropping him onto his back before her Master had even been able to comprehend the first wound.

“ _You're alive because of her”_ another voice affirmed as she found herself biting down on her lower lip. Everything from that night came back to her, as vividly as if it was just the day before. Chinatsu had gone to that rooftop with a single solitary goal, a strong sense of purpose etched into her brain. Yet when it was all said and done, she'd left without either of those things. She never fired her guns, she never even drew one of them. The very same arms dealer the young woman set out solely to kill, had shown her mercy and offered her a chance at a fresh start.

Even after all this time, the sheer notion of it being a legitimate proposal would normally seem ridiculous. However, Chinatsu felt more inclined to believe Koko than she felt that she had any right to. There was just something about the way the white haired woman had conducted herself, the way her blue eyes had shown no hint of either judgment or malice, that made her feel that maybe she'd been telling the truth after all. The entire conversation had kept replaying itself in her head again and again, like a tape stuck on repeat, and even as she'd tried to focus on other work, Koko's words always wound up echoing in her mind.

“ _Think about it. If you come with me, there's as many possibilities as there are stars in the sky.”_

Using the side of her left hand to shield her eyes from the sun, Chinatsu's gaze found itself turning skywards, just as it had on that night before. As the few clouds in the air above her slowly seemed to float by along a path only they could see, she couldn't help but be in wonder again at how neverending it all felt. Sure, she thought, the stars may only show themselves at night, but just because you couldn't see them, didn't mean they weren't there. If only things were ever as straightforward and simple as that. The idea of “needing” someone else to guide her wasn't necessarily an entirely new concept to the young woman, especially when she had to honestly consider that Koko was almost trying to do that without even being around.

Once again Chinatsu's thoughts turned to her Master. Try as she might, she couldn't stop looking back on the time they'd spent together and everything they accomplished as Orchestra. _“What would he think of me?”_ she wonders as her gaze wanders to the dirty pavement below her. _“What would he think if he knew I was even considering joining the woman who killed him?”_. This was supposed to be her life, her dreams, and her chance, but all she could think about was whether she'd be betraying his memory. Maestro knew what she was capable of and stuck by her. That's why even after she died, she'd come to think of herself as a “One Woman Orchestra”, and as much as her employers laughed at the notion, she always got their worthless jobs done like they wanted. Still, things were as “dead-end” as they got right now. Chinatsu wasn't going to get anywhere just trying to live in Shisho's shadow, and she absolutely hated that his killer seemed to be the only one that could bring her into the light.

This time she finds herself thinking about her parents. It felt like it had been forever since she'd allowed herself to remember them. She recalled their love of theatre, and how even as a young girl, it was something she could always count on to bring the three of them together as a family. When Chinatsu was just a child, she couldn't help but feel amazed at the sheer size and scale of everything, and at how impressive she found it all. It was almost like her eyes had been opened to a whole new world.

In equal parts frustration and sudden anguish, she slams her now clenched fist into the side of the nearest building. If there was any pain from her knuckles scraping against the gray bricks, Chinatsu didn't feel it. She was simply too caught up in her own mind to have time to waste being bothered by such trivial things.

However, the young woman found herself wondering, perhaps for the first time if she'd been betraying the memory of her parents. Had going with Maestro, the very man they'd protected her from with their lives, been spitting in the face of that very sacrifice? Why had it seemed like every time she thought she found a place to belong, it got ripped away from her forcing her to start all over? When Maestro first took her from her family, things just changed and began anew with her almost feeling like she was just a passenger along for the ride. As much as she loathed the very idea of admitting it, Chinatsu had never had a say in the matter. She could have tried to leave and run, but to where? There had never been anywhere for her to go, or anybody for her to turn to before now. This was different, this time she had a choice, as much as she didn't quite know what to do with it.

Chinatsu looked at the phone as her fingers instinctively began to dial the number Hekmatyar had left her.

“ _Wait. What am I doing?”_ Her mind raced so fast that she almost felt dizzy, her muscles tensed, and her heart pounded so heavily that for a few moments she could barely breathe. She noticed that she had her fist clenched so tightly that she thought she'd break the skin, and everything was only compounded when she pressed the phone to her ear as it began to ring.

Once.

Sweat trickled down her forehead and the side of her face down onto her neck as she wondered if she could pull it together.

Twice.

The girl tries to take a deep breath and swallowed hard to where she could almost hear it as she keeps fighting to push back her concerns.

And then it all changed as an all too familiar arms dealer picked up.

“Why hello, Chinatsu. I was starting to think you weren't going to call me.” the white haired woman remarked, with the younger woman almost swearing that she could somehow see her grinning from ear to ear.

“ **I...I thought things over...”** She stammers out, with her mouth moving before even properly grasping just what it is she's saying. **“That offer you made me...Is it...? Is it still on the table?”**.

Koko chuckled slightly to herself, making Chinatsu grind her teeth together in quiet anxiousness.

“I answered the phone, didn't I?” She replies, with a tone of voice that seemed almost comforting in a way. “Of course it's still available. Are you sure this is what you want, though?”

There was a slight pause from the brown haired girl, as she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts, turning herself towards the streets in front of her almost like she was seeking some sort of confirmation.

“ **Yeah...”** She answered gently, the peacefulness in her voice almost getting lost in the recent breeze. **“I don't really have anywhere else to go. I'll...I'll try it and see what happens...”**

The sound of Hekmatyar shifting her weight in a chair made itself known through the speaker as Koko switched her manner of speaking and voice to something almost friendly sounding.

“That's all I could ask of you now. Thank you, Chinatsu.”

“ **Oh? You're welcome...”**

“I've been keeping tabs on you every now and then, so I know where you've been staying lately. Make sure you're still there, and I'll be over there to pick you up in the next day or two. Welcome to the band.”

As the call finished with the 'beep' of a button, Chinatsu caught herself beginning to smile a little. Once again looking up at the sunlit sky that loomed over the city, she brushed her hair aside, before bracing herself for what was to come. It'd been far too long that she'd been grounded, Chinatsu thought silently, but maybe, just maybe, it was her turn to fly.


End file.
